Shoot Date 10/17
Part of Footage Uploaded 10/28
Reflection - 12/16
I ultimately did not use any of this footage. At the time, it didn’t feel plausible. Not technically, but emotionally. I was deeply disappointed, and I struggled to separate myself from the work. Seeing myself on video felt unbearable in a way that looking in a mirror never has, and I still don’t fully understand why that disconnect exists. The self-criticism I carried made it impossible to engage with the footage in a productive way.
Although my friends were supportive and patient, I couldn’t push past that block. I hope that after winter break I’ll be able to return to this material with more distance and compassion, but I’m still unsure. This experience made it clear how closely my sense of self is tied to my art...and how difficult creating becomes when that relationship turns inward and hostile.
